Anami Grace | Made Up Life

One of the more frustrating parts about my childhood was a chronic unmet need (Hahah, who’s surprised?) of my style being suppressed and disregarded as a valid need. I have always been incredibly ridiculous about my style, and was after a very specific silhouette (think American Girl Samantha) and I was determined to wear this every day of my life.

Because of purity culture. Because of religion and my mother’s overall disregard for my existence. It was never supported, and listen. Y’all. That’s tragic. And it secretly put me at odds with something that was a very productive outlet for me. Forgotten under years of programming.

We value the cuteness of the girl but never the skills required to be so. Right?

And now as an adult, finding ways to hold that and honor that for the parts of me that didn’t have that as child. But in so doing realizing this frustrating fact:

Y’ALL. I didn’t play with dolls. I played with their fashion and style. My favorite game to play as a kid was house. Because it meant doll clothes. And having more autonomy over them than over myself. <Insert scream into the void here>

But I needed to look and feel cute as a way to express myself through some incredibly challenging experiences. Like. If a girl gotta suffer. At least let her have the comfort and safety of her style and stop asking her to make everything about sex when she hasn’t figured out herself yet.

Maybe give her a second to just exist without needing to be objectified. This is my emotional support *for fucks sake* I’m a millennial. Talk to my editor.

But. Like. Y’all. We can just decide to hold the pieces of ourselves that felt wrong to us as kids. And maybe if we honor them. Maybe. we’ll be able to show up with a little more kindness for ourselves. And what if. What if that made the world a little brighter today?

So. Anyway. Dressing myself, choosing pieces of clothes that feel wonderful on my body. And so I can go out into the world loving myself so much that I get to hold a little more love and patience for you as another fellow human being, maybe also having a hard time right now.