Anami Grace | Made Up Life

One of my favorite parts about my creative process is that I visualize myself in the quantum realm moving music through my body and reaching out to grab the ideas swirling around me. Because that is how energy moves through my body, in a swirl, and sometimes I have to use my tools – my body, my hands, my hips and my mind to imagine the universe of me swirling around in an empty room pulling ideas from the great all.

I don’t use AI, I don’t like the format they speak to us through, and I can almost always identify AI content because I’ve recognized the pattern of their language.

But as I physically move ideas and energy through my body it feels like the magic of creation blooming inside of me. And it always leaves me feeling complete and like I can trust every opportunity I give this human body. Because she will absolutely knock it out of the park.

It wasn’t always like this though. In fact, this work of completely trusting myself was only fully online as of last weekend when I finally took a break from panic creating.

Listen. I’ve always been a mover. And from the outside it can look very chaotic, but if there are ANY steps to be taken to get me closer to my goal. I’m going to take them, and maybe they work and maybe they don’t. But I still feel powerful for taking them.

But this process of learning to trust Anami Grace’s body with everything has gone against EVERYTHING I was taught to do, everything I was taught to think. ALL OF MY PROGRAMMING had to be completely uninstalled to create a pathway for trust and friendship and love for my own human body.

I’ll list them again in case you forgot. But I’m an undiagnosed autistic millennial woman, who grew up in several cults, had severe cPTSD from my experiences, and it turns out that no matter how much you try and create a better life for yourself through doing things differently, you still eventually have to face yourself through understanding the story of your life.

But trust showed up for me in learning to care for my human body through multiple acts of devotion for myself on a daily basis.

It showed up in creating better habits.

It showed up in creating healthy boundaries with myself and others.

It showed up by centering my own story, life, creativity and actively feeding and caring for my body, soul and spirit. (All different people by the way – fun fact about the collective Anami Grace.)

It showed up in taking obnoxious care of my ridiculousness.

It showed up in indulging seeing beauty as a need for my hungry eyes to devour like a delicious meal.

Oh, and the incessant need to make everything stupidly special.

And slowly, my shadows started showing up asking to be held through their experiences of being marginalized by past versions of myself.

Every one of them a forgotten treasure of me. Anami Grace.

And as I held each one of them in my heart, in the quantum field, healing them, and healing the timeline where they were created. I became the wholest version of myself, and integrated all of the versions, shadows, iterations. The collective we of Anami Grace

Every day the collective Anami Grace would wake up, get as far as we could as fast as we could. Scrambling for a future that we could only dream existed. On the good days we would all work together to hold Anami Grace with pride and love. And on the hard days we’d survive on consistency and hope that there could be better days ahead. But every day we worked hard to show ourselves love and kindness.

And slowly trust dawned on us like a new day.

Each piece making up a life I didn’t even know could exist.

And y’all. Each moment. Each fleeting moment that I trusted us with. Holding the expansion, presence, kindness, love, and compassion for myself. And consistently choosing to honor all of it through my spiritual healing journey.

Created a relationship with myself that I’d always dreamed of.

One where I listen to Namsos RORE, Avery Bright and imagine and move my body through the universe of complexity of me and pull ideas from the collective consciousness and create them in the 3D. And every day I get a little closer to all of it crashing into my reality. Simply because I moved through my darkness and shadows and learned to love and trust myself past ALL of the noise that was screaming at me to give up.

But. Nevertheless the collective Anami Grace persisted. And. I couldn’t be more proud of her regulated nervous system, kindness for the world, compassion for herself and her unflappable joy in creating something that we didn’t even know was possible 18 months ago.

Anyway, love and light to you all. Take care! Bye.