Anami Grace | Made Up Life

One thing about me that’s incredibly difficult to collapse into language is that I deeply feel the energy of every room I walk into and my attunement with myself allows me to find and create a harmony with the space time I possess.

I often do this through listening to music while I am in public spaces, and the beauty of my body, soul, and spirit show through my gentle movement and it makes every one stare at me. It has to be a wild sight to behold.

But that’s it. That’s what I’ve been searching for my whole life. Harmony.

I had to find it in myself first, give it to myself first, and find my way through my shadows in order to hold this beauty, and I’m going to teach you how I did it.

Y’all know by now that I’m incredibly curious. I was curious about myself. I was curious about the world, and I wanted to learn everything I could about everyone, everything, I wanted to have all of the experiences I could. And that meant that I now know things that other people don’t know. Don’t come for me. It was quite a task that I did to my own harm a lot of the time.

I came to this planet to understand. And to hold chronic misunderstanding in my body so that I could become incredibly skilled at explaining myself. So that, when the light returned to earth. And y’all finally got curious. You would have the gift of my knowledge and curiosity.

And, well. That day has come. It’s today.

I had to learn how to hold all of the things I know in harmony with my body, soul and spirit. I had to learn how to hold the flavor of language. The joy of understanding, and the excitement of knowledge within myself and create a subtle surround sound of holding myself as understood.

Not only was it the most fun I’ve ever had, but it put a smile on my heart. Which broadcasts our biofields, and can be felt by everyone who experiences me.

I had to find it through the density of all of my trauma and shadows, and learn to tell the story of my joy versus the story of my story – because I’m not going to do that to you. You don’t have to hold my trauma in order to understand it was quite a feat to be here. Right?

One of the biggest examples I can show you is my PDA type autism. I had to hold demands in harmony with my human body’s fight, flight, freeze, faint, faun. Let’s be honest. Mine was always faun because I was in chronic functional freeze that required people pleasing as a form of safety.

But, when I learned how to hold those demands as acts of love for my human body, that’s where my world shifted. And maybe nobody saw that shift, but it was HUGE for me. When I started seeing every action that I took as an act of devotion for Anami Grace’s body, it took the sting out of meeting demands.

And every day I’d get a little closer to free within myself. I’d capture another sneaky inner critic and love them into wholeness. I would get up and start dinner when I wanted to couch rot. I’d take myself on a walk and put my head on the trees I loved. I would stand at the top of the mountain by my house and move my body to music and love and let the wind blow through that energy so that my town could have more access to love.

I consistently chose my own internal happiness over everything else, and it created a deep rooted harmony at the core of my being.

Slowly, I learned that I couldn’t change people. Only myself. And so I gave myself the gift of me over and over again until I believed that I was deeply magical.

I slept, ate, moved, created the work of me over and over again until I loved myself so much that it didn’t matter if anyone else thought I was crazy. I was going to gently swirl the energy of every room I walked into to see where my harmony could fit with the vibes.

The pleasure. And the pain of that understanding. In a world determined to misunderstand me was such a gift for me.

But. Y’all. This is our renaissance. It’s time to wake up and get so curious about yourself. About the world, and love yourself so much that you no longer accept that this is the best we can do as humans on planet earth.

Harmony cannot be forced. Only found.

Anyway. Love and light to you all. Take care! Bye.