Anami Grace | Made Up Life

I imagine that with the release of the disclosure about all of the awfulness that the fuckers in charge are doing to people. (Which, by the way is just the tip of the iceberg of awfulness and occult that has kept the US afloat for a few centuries) That it might be just about time to talk about justice, forgiveness and balance with ourselves. Especially for those who have suffered at the hands of those…Fuckers. And are now disenchanted by how it feels to have all of their harm released to the public.

On some level I’m sure it feels so vindicating to have all eyes on their trauma. Because an acknowledgment is sometimes better than an apology. But on the other the lack of justice has to feel like that vaguely metallic taste in your mouth that affects the flavor of everything.

And even an acknowledgement does not affect cPTSD and the flashbacks, the way your body remembers the harm, and the lifelong prison of being harmed by some of the most “powerful” people on the planet who are harvesting your trauma like it’s motherfucking apples.

And this is why I came to be tragically misunderstood so that I’d become quite adept at explaining myself so that when y’all got curious enough you would have someone who understood.

Are we ready to have this conversation? Are you ready to understand how I found justice for myself by not allowing the distorted versions of all of my abusers to continue to traumatize me through my own mind?

I had to learn to love myself more than I hated her. My mom. I had to learn how to care for myself more than I hated my ex-husband. I had to choose my own peace over my ex-boyfriend who tried to un-alive all of us with a pew-pew. I had to see past the lack of attunment in my last relationship and find the person who came after all of those things. Me.

I had to accept the fact that I loved them in the purest way that I could, and that love was met with a distortion of love that looked like power, control, and possession. It’s not that I didn’t have a role to play in all of it, but it was all asking the question: Anami Grace. Are you ready to evolve?

I had to hold the shadows of myself through their trauma. I had to look at the pieces of me that splintered off through their abuse of me. And love them into wholeness. It was the only way to move through it and get to the other side. My next post will be about how I did my shadow work, in case you’re interested.

But. Y’all. Justice doesn’t come in the form of punishment. That’s a fucking lie we’ve been sold to uphold a system of perpetual harm. Locking someone up does not change the fact that they took a life through their harm of another human being.

Justice. True justice. Comes in living a full life beyond their harm of your human body.

That has to hold balance right? Letting go of their harm to you can also mean holding someone accountable for their actions and stopping them from perpetuating cycles of harm to others. But. THAT COMES FROM EVOLUTION.

And the only way we truly evolve is through love.

So, IF you have been harmed by this system. Which. To be totally dramatic. Is ALL of us in some way shape or form. The best revenge is to go on a shadow work healing journey to find the pieces of you that were taken by this absolutely BS system, and integrate them so that you can safely hold your power within yourself.

Because. Fuck. Them.

But also to see this as proof that the light that is returning to earth is a powerful and this lovely frequency that is drawing us all home to our souls, because the darkness is being exposed. And now we get to go to work cleaning up the mess.

Which, is why the matriarchs woke up about a year and a half ago and were like. FUCK. THIS. SHIT.

My true power woke up when I realized that my mother had to perpetuate the cycle of her life so that it would ignite the light within me. And as soon as I was able to love myself through the idea that without her I wouldn’t be. Me. I was able to let go of the monster in my head that I carried around and allowed to perpetually re-victimize me by arguing with her endlessly trying to get her to see the harm she caused.

Which. Shockingly. Didn’t work. Dammit. No matter how good I was at explaining myself it didn’t bring forth the validation/acknowledgement I desperately wanted.

Until I gave it to myself through holding each one of my precious shadows with love, acknowledgment and understanding. Because it was my own damn experience. Right?

Do you see it yet? This cannot be bypassed. Only experienced, validated, loved, and then LET GO.

And letting it go will be the part in which YOU find freedom in your own mind. Not whatever brand of freedom has been sold to you for the price of your trauma and attention.

Anyway. Love and light to you all. Take care! Bye.