Anami Grace | Made Up Life

The other day I was so tired, but I had washed my sheets and I needed to make my bed before I could climb in and be done with the world for the night and go to sleep. And I found myself saying out loud: UGH! I have to make my bed still!

And I found myself completely overcome with the idea that we truly change our relationship with the demands of our life by changing our relationship with language.

We cannot love something we hate. Including our own bodies. And especially if you are PDA (pathological demand avoidant) type autistic.

And so I went into the reframe for myself and shifted the way I was viewing making my bed. I said out loud: Anami Grace, thank you so much for washing my sheets so that I could have a restful sleep tonight in a clean bed.

Here are some of the reframes I use daily to help support my body through the demand avoidance part of the PDA autism, which will always be part of my life.

Instead of: I have to cook dinner, I say: My body would like to eat something delicious tonight, how can I care for that need?

Instead of: I have to drive my kid to school today, I say: I’m excited to see this part of the world and contribute to my child’s wellbeing today.

Instead of: I have to take a walk for my mental health, I say: I’m excited to go outside and see if anything has changed on my usual path, and maybe I’ll see some wildlife on my journey.

If we want to truly change our worlds, we have to change the way we’re seeing our needs from a demand into a delight.

I made a TikTok the other day about gaslighting ourselves to subtly change the meaning of language for our benefit. And it featured Lilian. To show the world how to change the way the words we’re using against ourselves in our own mind can be shifted playfully to mean something else to our bodies.

Here are a few examples of the words I started to shift to feel better in my body/mind/spirit through talking to my dog:

Suppering (Suffering): meant longing for chickhems when you were already full from the dinner your Merm made you.

Paying all of the bills: meant having a difficult day relaxing in a snuggly blanket.

Torture: meant that Merm was using chickhems in dinner without sharing in her bowl.

Distraught: was the heavy sigh she always gave after not having chickhems in her mouth every moment of every day.

Ruining her life: meant not sharing whatever spicy taco meat we were eating for dinner that she clearly needed.

And by changing the way that language felt in my body, because they always came with a coy little smile and a knowing look that she’s the most doted on puppers on this planet, and the only way her life could be better was if she had a better sunny spot to lay in the mornings at our house. Was what fundamentally changed my relationship with myself.

Because no matter what, even on my hardest days, as long as I had a snuggly blanket, comfy clothes, and my own fierce love, it was going to be okay. And my suffering clearly wasn’t quite as bad as what my dog was going through. LOL.

And caring for my human body was the most important thing I could ever do with my life, because the returns of sleeping in great comfort meant that I was going to get myself further the next day.

Anyway, love and light to you all. Take care! Bye.