Anami Grace | Made Up Life

Y’all. Mercury is about to fuck some shit up as he goes into retrograde. And you’re going to need to read and save this post so that as all of this gunk is brought up for you to revisit you have the tools you need in order to move yourself through the experience of other people, other peopling.

I’m a Gemini so, I’m already feeling this. Just for funzies. But here’s the thing about me. People misunderstand how much I love my own darkness. So, I’m happy to camp out there for a hot minute and fight the bitches in my head. (But only in my head).

Today I was thinking about my ex-sister-in-law. Who always hated me, but hated me a little less when I was married to her brother. It’s complicated, but there were a lot of family systems that we were both fighting without being aware of them or even being able to name them.

With older, wiser, more loving eyes I can see them. But today I could feel her energy up in mine. I’m willing to bet there has been some sort of fundamental shift in that family that is causing her to reconsider her worldview, but I cannot guarantee that is true.

But because I am obnoxiously wonderful. HAHA. I laid in bed and pictured her face as I last saw it. And I whispered the hard things out loud. I said, those were some pretty tough family dynamics. I’m sorry that what you were shown in your childhood wasn’t love. I’m sorry that you had a hard time in your marriage, in parenting your kids, and I’m sorry for the times that I couldn’t hold your darkness and my own. I’m sorry. So sorry that we were both trained to expect and receive violence.

And then I visualized cutting the energetic cords that connected our energies: Having our kids within months of each other. Being stay at home parents and needing a creative outlet. Being married to people that didn’t love us, and really hated parenting.

Then I visualized a white ball of love and compassion around her, holding her in truth, kindness, and hope.

I forgive her. I forgive myself. I forgive all of it, and no longer accept the terms and conditions of the paradigm our relationship held as loving.

I hope she finds her way. I hope we all find our way. May she find the divine love she desperately needs behind her shadows.

And. That’s the thing y’all. She is exactly the person I would have been if I had lived her life. There is no separation, and when we hold others in hatred, jealousy, fear, annoyance or whatever. We’re simply using them as a scapegoat for our own unresolved issues. So hating her. Is hating me.

Which is outside of my capacity. Hate is too heavy for the beauty of my soul.

So. Love your enemies. Wish them love, wish them healing. And you’ll realize really quickly that the version of them in your head is a cleverly disguised shadow of a version of you that needed something.

But also know and understand that unconditional love is not unconditional tolerance, this is not an invitation for her to come back into my world. Simply a disconnection from an old story that no longer serves me and needs to move from my body/mind. And, that’s why we get these retrogrades.

Anyway. Love and light to you all. Take care! Bye.