Anami Grace | Made Up Life

My name is Anami Grace, and I realized that I couldn’t buy the life I wanted in capitalism, so I made it up a life I loved through playing a game: what gets me closer (to the thing)? Every day for the past 3 years. It is a simple question that tackles a variety of demands in my life and has helped me start everything important in my life. Because, we cannot start at the beginning, or at least I couldn’t. I had to start somewhere in between my lifelong journey with self-doubt and my previously crippling anxiety. And asking myself the question what gets me closer? When I needed to meet a demand was a subtle tool that worked for almost any task I was avoiding.

The reason it works, is because it helps me identify why I’m stuck and helps me build momentum/magic/movement in the right direction.

It works for something as small as cleaning the bathroom, and something as daunting as loving yourself. And it may be the most important question for anyone who is a recovering perfectionist.

But, this website exists because of that question. When TikTok was sold the algorithm took an absolute shit, and I’d just had my first semi-viral video and I was so incredibly discouraged to have videos that were getting 2 views or sitting at 0 views for days, and so rather than panic – I said out loud: Thank you for how this works out in my favor, and then after a deep breath and internal scream – what gets me closer to being a published author?

And: awkwardgrace13 was born.

I have no idea how or why I learned this – but I’ve always had this mindset that I should get as far as I can, as fast as I can, and through end stage capitalism that has served me quite well in adopting my kids, my career, my personal life, my content creation journey.

The problem was that it forced me to hustle through burnout and was unsustainable through this growth journey I’ve been on. And, the way I replaced that was through the idea of doing whatever I could that was aligned and got me pointed in the right direction for when the magic finally hit.

Because. There was always going to be magic. I’m Anami Grace. After all.

There is also a balance that has to be formed – because the only place in your life you should be pushing yourself to do better in – is self care. Because the dividends of caring for yourself are out of this world. But even then. You can use the game of what gets you closer to that? Can’t shower? Can you dry shampoo your hair and wipe your stinky spots with a baby wipe?

The thing is that when people look at spirituality they see it as all astral travel, meditation and spirit guides. But the real reason I have such an incredible connection with the divine was because I used this game to help myself complete the practical tasks of caring for myself and my body. To connect with my body, and to fall in love with being Anami Grace. So that my body could become the one ready to find divine love within me, behind all of those shadows.

Really, when I look back on it – it was shifting my laundry away from being folded and simply re-sorting it into laundry baskets on a shelf instead of having a dresser. Because my laundry stopped being the barrier to caring for myself. Instead of it taking me 6 weeks to never fully be done – it took me 2 minutes on a bad day.

You cannot hold divine love and have to dig through baskets of unfolded laundry for a pair of clean socks. Or at least. I couldn’t. So by making an accommodation to help hold my own needs a valid, I moved myself from having no love – into vibrant connection with nature. Because I wasn’t fighting with something that had a practical solution anymore.

And, you guessed it. The laundry solution was born out of the question: What gets me closer. Because it cut past all of the many reasons I didn’t have the bandwidth, and offered me a solution that was practical and easy. Not as pretty as a dresser, but also. DOESN’T MATTER, it’s all made up anyway.

But. Truly. I fell in love with myself by asking myself that question on a moment by moment basis for the better part of 3 years.

Even my sobriety was based in this question. Because when I wasn’t ready to move myself out of substance use, I would ask (and then have a very painful emotional response of resistance – because of needing to work through my extinction burst of the behavior) what gets me closer to sober curiosity? And I would watch a sober curious video on TikTok. And then when I was ready, I went to the doctor and asked for my medication to help support me in breaking the dopamine cycle in my own brain.

But. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF by finding the magic of you through the question: what gets you closer?

And report back. Anyway. Love and light to you all. Take care, bye!