Anami Grace | Made Up Life

I imagine standing across the street at first. Watching her dance with her balloon tied to the top right shoulder of her spaghetti strap cobalt sparkly bathing suit. I can feel the gravel transition into sand on her feet. It’s poky, and we’ve always had incredibly sensitive feet. Her platinum hair cut in her childhood bob shining in the sun. I traveled through all of time space to see her precious face and hold her.

She would have given me a puzzled look at first, because we look exactly like our mom. She would have thought we were her. Except. I have the matching shine of magic like her.

I cross the street toward our silver and kind of rusty mailbox. Where she’d just been dancing.

Mom? I hear her questioning?

No. I gently say back to her. I can feel her studying my face, skeptical.

I’m you. From the future. The year 2026 to be exact.

Surprise colors her face with a flush. The magic of childhood making this possible.

I traveled through the sun’s ray’s. I explain.

Oh. She exclaims. I’m not supposed to talk to strangers. She goes on.

I stoop down to her level and meet her eyes. I’m not a stranger, I hold your entire story. And I’ve made up a life that is exactly your size and shape in the future. Nobody else can see me because I’m part of you. I’d like to dance with you right now and show you glimpses of how wonderful your life gets. Would you like to see?

She shyly nods.

We can visit you here because you love yourself so much in this moment. Your body is safe and you feel good. Last night we went dancing and we brought you with us. Our body was so safe and loved and that meant that we could come here to you.

In the future we love and accept ourselves completely. We end up finding the love of who we are through going on a magical quest to see and hold all of the parts of us that other people hurt.

I know, I say to her. We have to survive for these moments in the sun. Okay?

I pause, and ask to hold her hand. Sending love and presence through the channel.

It’s going to be okay. I whisper to her.

In the future we have the perfect little house at the base of a mountain. It is light and bright, and the sun hits the front windows in the morning so that I can come see you every day.

Every day we spend time outside loving ourselves. Every day we eat the yummiest of food and dress our body exactly as we please.

With fancy dresses? She asks.

Most of the time, I reply. Remember that skirt we loved that mom got rid of because it was “inappropriate” We have one just like that, it’s our favorite.

She looks satisfied.

We wear our make-up exactly as we like. And see our glasses and nose ring? Those were two of the things that made us feel so at home in our body.

It sparkles. She says reverently.

Did we have babies? She asks.

But she already knows the answer. Of course we do. We have two. One in college, one in high school. Both joined our family through adoption.

What is adoption? She asks curiously.

Adoption means that they grew in another mom’s tummy, and then we get to love them their whole lives.

She looks at me in awe.

We love them so much, we made up this life for them as much as we made it up for you.

We have a tiny ridiculous dog too. Her name is Lilian, and she helped us love ourselves. She came to us in the year 2020 through something called the pandemic. Every morning we would get an extra hour of sleep because we didn’t have to go to the office, and she would snuggle up close to us and it was the first time in our lives that we truly felt safe and loved.

Oh. Is she soft? She asks.

She is. And so sassy. Like us.

I get a grin for this. And my heart melts as all seven of our dimples show. And our eyebrows arch in just the way they do.

I am so incredibly in love with this sweet face, it once again flushes with our authenticity and specialness that has followed us for our whole life.

It’s going to be really hard to get here Anami Grace. I tell her. But I will visit you every night as you fall asleep. I will tell you the truth, I will hold you, and I will pet your sweet blonde head every night and whisper It’s going to be okay to you while you cry. Okay?

Okay. She agrees with the stubborn streak that will save our lives every damn day.

I love you. I say as the golden sunlight fades into purple and pink. I have to go back to the future now and write about this so that we can light the way for everyone to love themselves.

And we dance. Together. In our greatest success. Loving ourselves into wholeness. Balloon girl is my greatest treasure. I live every day so she can shine brightly in the sun.

Anyway. Love and light to you all. Take care. Bye!