Anami Grace | Made Up Life

The tears sting my eyes, and I cannot swallow the lump in my throat. Gratitude beams out of my chest as we silently watch the sun show off its last beams of the day. Grey, purple, orange, pink, joy. Love.

I didn’t know. How could I? That this love existed. In the silence of friendship. I had just gotten back from a brisk walk around the block, and I was going to check the mail when my neighbor called me in response to a text I’d sent him about some food I made tonight. And then my other neighbor brought her chair out. And together we just. Were. In beauty.

This is heaven. The kingdom of heaven is within you. I think. And I cry harder.

I’d already been around the block, enjoying my own company so much. Thinking about how glad I am to be exactly in this body. This moment. So incredibly glad that none of my plans worked out the way I thought they should.

I wore my overalls today. They’re too big now, but so comfy. A pale blue shirt. My favorite hat, hair in two braids. I already had my favorite day. So as I intentionally took each step of my walk. Breathing deeply. Enjoying the taste of my spearmint gum and the suggested songs after anamè “The Best Part” on Spotify – the rhythmic beat lulling me into a quiet state of joy.

Today I completed my 7 day water ritual with the river, and felt the exhilaration of being alive. And with every pedal on the way home I was excited about my life. Because for the first time, I’m alive. In the moment I’m having and in a deep creationship with the universe.

As I walked into the farmers market this afternoon I met a lady and joked about punching the cars if they tried to hit us, and we shared this miraculous moment of laughter.

Then I got to meet a very smugly handsome tiny ridiculous dog named Hank. I invited his guardian to come to my cooking class next week, and we both got excited about delicious food.

I needed new shoes so badly, so I went to the shoe store and I got to see the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen on the woman who worked there. She prayed for me and asked God to bless me.

How did my life get so good? I wondered on my way to the library. I clearly cannot get over books about India at the moment and so I picked out “The Dream Builders” and laughed at my own internal guidance bringing me to this exact book today.

On the way home I drove by the park and got inspired to go swing. And swing I did. The first swing made an annoying noise, and so I switched to the next one over and that one hurt my butt. And it turns out that age makes you more susceptible to motion sickness and I got a little queasy.

As I drove away from the park I was struck with the idea that for every low I’ve ever experienced, my life just gets to be good now. Because I will never abandon myself again.

Vows were never intended for marriage, but a sacred union between our finite bodies and our infinite souls: Through sickness and in health. For richer, for poorer. Until death do us part. I found the true love of my own creation by finding the intersection between the infinite and the finite in caring for my human body with such tenderness and joy that I can no longer deny the existence of God.

But not like Gandalf The Grey in the sky. But instead like the beauty of love, in orange, joy, purple, pink, grey, fading into friendship.

And. The answer to my question: How did my life get so good? Is simple. I made it up. One difficult moment, one smile, one video, one anxiety attack at a time. By myself. For myself. And on purpose.

Rad. Anyway. Love and light to you all. Take care! Bye.